Monday, September 9, 2019

In loving memory of my cat Buffy

In loving memory of:
Buffy Ward - 20th April 2000 to 12th August 2019

My baby girl had to be put to sleep on the 12th August.  Pic is after she'd gone.  In the last several days prior she had developed the tell tale signs of being at the end & had generally, suddenly deteriorated.  Vet's came to mine as I have mobility issues due to health.  They checked her heart rate etc & it was clearly time.  She passed in my arms & I felt her go.  Buffy was a total odd ball, very much a one person (me) cat.

I've only had about 5 hours sleep since (almost a month now).  I'm totally exhausted during the day, but as soon as it's bed time (like it is now) I'm wide awake.  Night time is the hardest as that was our time of the day & she'd always sleep on my chest or by my side.  The night before I knew it was the end & I just cried all night, but I didn't want to weird her out, so I cried my eyes out quietly all night.  You just really know when it's the end.  Night's since have been just as hard.  We've always had pets in the Ward family, but I'm not having anymore.  First time in 40 years.  It's just to heartbreaking when they go.

I wanted to create this post as a permanent tribute/in memory post for her.

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

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Friday, May 24, 2019

My Other, New Reiki Site

Today I've been working on a Wordpress based blog. Wordpress sites were, a while ago when I last did one, a bit of a git to edit/create. I wanted to give it another go.  So it's another one of my many sites.  The blog was easier to setup. New blog is:

Sunday, May 12, 2019

Theme Song - For us Scorpio's

I first came across this on Facebook yesturday (11th May 2019).  It was in one of the Scorpio based groups that I'm a member of.  It's definatley appropriate for Scorpio's, it's certainly our life anthem/theme song.

Thomas Benjamin Wild Esq


I've tried, tried, tried, and i’ve tried even more
I've cried, cried, cried, and I can't recall what for
I’ve pressed, i've pushed, i've yelled, i've begged
In hopes of some success
But the inevitable fact is that it never will impress!

I've no more fucks to give
My fucks have run adry
I've tried to go fuck shopping but there's no fucks left to buy!
I've no more fucks to give
Though more fucks i’ve tried to get
I’m over my fuck budget, and i'm now in fucking debt!


I strive, strive, strive, to get everything done
I’ve played by all the rules, but i've very rarely won
I've smiled, i've charmed, i’ve wooed and laughed, alas to no avail
I've run round like a moron, to unequivocally fail!

I've no more fucks left to give
My fuck fuse has just blown
I've been hunting for my fucks all day but they've upped and fucked off home!
I've no more fucks to give
My fuck rations are depleted
I've rallied my fuck army but it's been fucking defeated!

The effort has just not been worth the time or the expense!
I've exhausted all my energy, for minimal recompense!
The distinct lack of acknowledgement has now begun to gall!
And i've come to realize that I don't give a fuck at all!

I've no more fucks to give
My fucks have flown away
My fucks are now so fucked up they've refused to fucking stay!
I've no more fucks to give
My fucks have gone insane
They've come back round and passed me while they're fucking off again!
I've no more fucks to give
My fucks have all dissolved
I've planned many projects, but my fucks won't be involved!
I've no more fucks to give
My fucks have all been spent
They've fucked off from the building and I don't know where they've went!

I've no more fucks to give!
I've no more fucks to give!
I've no more fucks!
I've no more fucks!
I've no more fucks to give!

Tuesday, April 9, 2019

Mini Reiki Spell Jars

I've always been into some aspects of witch craft, such as potions etc...  Over last few days I've been adding a Reiki twist to 'Jar Spells', see below for latest example:

Inside this 10ml bottle is:
A written 'Petition Spell' - This is basically where I hand drew a Cho Ku Rei (Reiki Level 1 Power Symbol), I wrote my full name, my date of birth & current location.  I then wrote (over 2 slips of paper), what I wanted.  Such as: When I hold bottle - lessen & or eliminate my PTSD/reduce my hand tremors/reduce my Ehlers-Danlos chronic pain/emit Reiki & 68577186829 (CBD Switchword)/enable me to attain wealth.

Lavender (for calming of i.e. a PTSD crazed mind)

Dried Jasmine Flowers (for attracting money)

Citrine (a small stone)

Salt (for protection)

CBD Flower Trim (that I got today)

Ferimon 12 CBD Hemp

Echinacea (as it also contains CBD)

I put some herbs in to start with the Citrine.  I then folded, towards me (as that has meaning behind it) the slips so I could fit them in the bottle.  I then filled up the bottle with the rest of the herbs & CBD flowers etc...

When held I do feel a sort've tingling in that hand for the duration, so I know (from my previous Reiki energy work experience etc..) it's working.

I've created multiple of these mini Reiki Spell Jars over last few days.  Some are for healing purposes.  I started doing this method with the 1ml (empty) perfume sampler vials that I have.

If your Reiki Level 1 or higher, then you can do the same.  It's another, unique way of doing & using Reiki.

Thursday, April 4, 2019


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Sunday, March 31, 2019

Now heading into April, urghhhh

April, for me, is the most insane & crazy month of the year.
April 9th 2016-2 police officers come to our door at 6:30am, to take Dad & I to KGH ICU, re: Mum

April 10th 2016-Day my Mum died

April 11th 2009-Wedding anniversary of my big (foster) sister

April 12th 2017-Death anniversary of someone I knew well

April 15th-Niece's birthday

April 19th-A friend of the families birthday

April 20th 2000-My cat Buffy's birthday

April 21st 2016-Death anniversary of someone I knew well

April 22nd 2008-Bestie's youngest son's birthday (he sadly passed away in 2018) & the anniversary of seeing Mum in coffin (first dead body I'd seen)

April 25th 2018-Funeral anniversary of bestie's youngest

April 27th 2004-Bestie's eldest son's birthday & the funeral anniversary of April 12th 2017 death

April 29th 2016-Funeral anniversary of my Mum

Also at the end of the month I've now got to have 2 of 5 deep fillings done, followed at some point in next few months, by an extraction of wonky tooth.

I'll be glad when April is over & done with.

Saturday, March 30, 2019

Dreading tomorrow

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, Mother's Day.  It'll be a bad PTSD trigger day.  Mum was the direct cause of my PTSD.  I'll be trying to focus purely on my cat Buffy & remembering my deceased dog Tommy (my pet dog growing up).  It'll be, for me, Furrbaby Day. 

I can't post quotes etc.. from Google Images regarding thinking of Mum on Mother's Day, as they all relate to good Mum's.  My Mum, to me & my late Dad, behind closed doors was not good at all.  She was a true nightmare, true wife of Satan. 

Other's that knew her may find it harsh or weird that I have anger issues regarding Mum/despise her so much, but Mum was not what she made out to be.  I'll always dispise her for what she was truly like, it's natural.  When you go through a living hell for so long that only me & Dad saw, it's normal to have extreme hatred. 

Monday, March 18, 2019

Another new blog - This time Slytherin based

I have another new blog.  This one is based on my Pottermore results.  I always knew I'd be Slytherin & I did the Pottermore quiz yesturday.  My result was Slytherin, no surprise to me at all.

My new blog will be mostly related to Slytherin, but other Hogwarts House members (Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff/Gryffindor) are of course welcome to join in on blog posts.

Visit blog at:

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Urghhh, the Mother's Day reminders have once again started

For most, Mother's Day & the lead up to it is all good.  If like most you have a loving Mother (or simply get on well with her) it's not difficult to i.e. find a suitable card for the occasion/enjoy the day itself/enjoy spending time with your Mother etc... 

My Mum passed in 2016 which makes it a weird occasion now anyway.  But my Mum was a Narcissistic nightmare.  To other's she gave the impression of being the normal, loving Mother.  But that was just her act, which I saw every single day

A big part of Narcissism is that they portray, when others are around, the normal, caring Mother figure.  Once those people have left, right back to monstrous nightmare that only those living in that situation 24/7/365 actually get to see.  The 'Monster behind the mask'.

I'm now starting to get reminders via email, seeing Facebook posts about Mother's Day coming up.  For me it's weird/hard/awkward/tricky for 3 reasons (some have been partly mentioned already):

1:  My Mother died in 2016.
2:  For me my Mum was a Narcissistic nightmare & the direct cause of my PTSD.  Dad (who also passed in 2016) also struggled to live with Mum in those later years.
3:  I lived with Mum till her passing (purely due to my life long disabilities/lack of finances due to job difficulty etc..), I was 37 at the time.  I saw how she truly was 24/7/365.  Even if I couldv'e gone LC (low contact) or NC (no contact), I'd of still been screwed, just via distance & not every day (for 22+ years).

I just REALLY hate this time of year.  I'm also a member of many Facebook groups where I know others also struggle at this time of year, due to their NM's (Narc Mum's).  Can anyone else relate?  Feel free to comment below. 

Thursday, February 28, 2019

Monday, February 25, 2019

Another new Reiki blog - 4 newbies

I'm currently working on yet another blog.  This new one (click HERE) however is just for those new to Reiki.  Those who'd like to learn more/those who'd like to be attuned etc...  I only just started it today, so there's only a couple of posts at the moment.

Sunday, February 17, 2019

Another NEW blog -

I'm now also, among all my other projects, working on another new blog.  This new blog is just about Essential Oils.

So if your interested in Essential Oils, their uses, what they help with etc.., then visit:

In loving memory of my cat Buffy

In loving memory of: Buffy Ward - 20th April 2000 to 12th August 2019 My baby girl had to be put to sleep on the 12th August.  Pi...